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mayhem in my mind
August 20, 2008What would I do if i fail?
My inner shell has gotten bad, lately.
I am afraid to fail.
I am afraid of shame.
I am afraid to be belittled.
i am afraid of their words.
*RED LIGHT FLASHES
wednesday.
NOTHING’S GONNA CHANGE MY WORLD.
DON’T SPEAK. CLOSE YOUR EYES. JUST FEEL ME.
I WON’T LEAVE YOU, TRUST ME.
I’LL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND FOREVER.
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COFFEEHOLICS, READ:
August 17, 2008THE MOST EXPENSIVE COFFEE IS MADE FROM MONKEYS’ POOPS.
[buti na lang di ako mahilig sa kape. hahaha.]
you knew it.
stop pretending. stop acting like you don’t know the scene. it’s all part of your dramas.
mind set: it’s just playing the piano…
I never really like accounting. In the first place, i never like numbers! I don’t want to enslave myself with gazillions of numbers! Ugh. I hate it when it is already our accounting class. It’s like almost 3 hell hours! Oh Jesus, how did I manage to survive my past accounting subjects! Ugh. I’m tired of it! I dont want to study all of those nonsense craps! *sigh
What am i doing every night. I’m escaping my sleeps and dreams just to make myself understand how cash and other non cash assets are taken in to consideration in accounting purposes, what certain principle is needed for a certain problem, what are you going to do if investments were made… Ugh. I’d rather go to Australia and be a fruit- picker, or be a beggar in the streets of Italy. Id rather be a street- painter in Rome, or be a tourist guide in Singapore. I’d rather be a photographer in Baguio or just be a plain piano virtuoso in every malls… I’d rather be any of those than to lock myself in the world of numbers and concrete figures.
The hell i care if the company decides not to terminate its business operations. I dont care if the company would get bankrupt or if they discontinue their busines operations. Duh. I won’t inherit their pots of gold, anyway. Ugh. I can’t imagine my future with my mother’s chosen career for me. Though ,I could, SOMEHOW, get into the picture of accountancy, still, I don’t want to. It’s really not my thing. (yah know, i want to be known in the field of arts)
But… On the contrary, I don’t want to frustrate my mother. I don’t want to be a prodigal daughter… I want my mother to be proud of me…that’s the core reason why I am still in this hellish course. But… but… I am already tired… I really can’t enjoy being with the subject. Three hours with it could take away all the bloods in me. Even mind setting doesn’t work with me, though i keep on telling my mind and myself that I LOVE accounting…still, i could not instill in my head that i love it. But im not yet losing hope. I’ll give myself a chance. I should learn to love my soon-to-be long- life practice, NOW.
I should learn to enjoy studying it just like how i enjoy doodling and scribbling… I should enjoy it the way I enjoy playing the piano… and someday, i’ll say to myself that accounting is just merely playing the piano. You should learn it by heart without hesitation, and fully accept it. Maybe i’ll just imagine my calculator as the piano, and the numbers are chords… while the problems and the whole theories are the music piece itself. I need to control my mind. i’ll just love the whole thing, then poof! I am already addicted to accounting… Yeah! I hope so.
No one said that my (mother’s) chosen profession (for me) is easy. Learn to enjoy it… it’s just playing the piano. You may find it difficult at first and could barely hear the music…but as you learn it by heart, all seems to be as easy as A-B-C.
I hope i could make it… *sighs